Wednesday, February 13, 2008

A Farewell to Mouth-Breathing

Well, friends, the time of year has finally passed when icy respiration is necessarily detoured through the mouth, when aromatic data is lost, either trapped outside of the impenetrable wall of frozen mucus lining our nasal cavities, or forced to endure the recycled, humid, humanbiosphere inside of a scarf. We can once again allow our collective sinus to thaw and balloon our nostrils like two parachutes opening in unison.

  With Valentine's Day just around the corner we can all expect the typical barrage of saccharine "pop smells" sweating out from the backrooms of our neighborhood markets and panaderĂ­as. In fact, just last night I found myself in one such shop that was producing treats at such a pace that one was able to SEE THE SMELL IN THE AIR. A fine mist of sugary perfume hung, a thin veil of imitation-synesthesia. Over the past days and weeks, vacant lots have secreted flower-stands in a desperate frenzy of boomtown logic, frothing at the mouth, escalating into tomorrow's nectareous climax. But let's not constrain our attention to the hackneyed topics of flora and pastry counters!

  Some of our most beloved and important smells are those which go unnoticed to all but the most astute proboscis. While "wet cement after a rain" and "right outside of the laundromat" are clearly well-balanced and favorable "heritage odors," I encourage my readers to conduct their own field experiments. One must not become discouraged simply because they do not possess an expert whiffer, or even a Nasal Ranger. No, the pleasures of smelling are open to all, and, as one practices and develops their sense, one is bound to find greater and greater enjoyment in the activity. I would like to extend a warm and sincere welcome to all, and will now provide the reader with a fun and informative list of trivia:

Olfactoids:

In some prosimians, such as the Red-bellied Lemur, scent glands occur atop the head.

In women, the sense of olfaction is strongest around the time of ovulation, significantly stronger than during other phases of the menstrual cycle and also stronger than the sense in males.

As of yet, there is no theory that explains olfactory perception completely.
For more on the Nasal Ranger, please visit their website.






1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Field experiment numero(#) 1:
I found myself to be the last rider smashed into a small campus bus this rainy morning so that I was perched on the entrance steps two feet below the mass of the crowd. My backside was firm against the double doors and my front was smack-dab in the crotches of at least 15 undergrads. This smell I impart to you "Waist-high dirty-denim bus stench in rain." Thus, I conclude: the smell of Tuesday-morning pussy is not always appetizing.